Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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