the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
