Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
