Ambien. No doubt about it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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