Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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