i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
