Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
