I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
