Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
