I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You smell like stripper and shame
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
