there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
