i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
