Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
