I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
