If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
