Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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