now i know why i became what i already was.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
