I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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