Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
