fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
