Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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