Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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