i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
