You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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