i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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