that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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