I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
