dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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