Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
