i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
