your thong is hanging out like whoa
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
