I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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