Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
