i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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