p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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