Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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