So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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