I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
