I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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