well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
