I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
