I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I supernannyed him into submission
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
