he puts the penis in happiness.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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