I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
