i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
should my penis look like a turkey
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
