As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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