Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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