That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
