Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
