I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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