If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
